- Trust is the essential ingredient for leadership success.
- Relations Without Relationships: Real love can hurt like a mutha
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- When Your Parents Hate the One You Love
If someone loved you unconditionally, you would be free to treat them in whatever ways you wanted — lie, cheat, manipulate, exploit, abuse — and never be called on it.
How can that be loving? You believe in unconditional love. They want emotional, verbal, and physical advantages. They want to win, no matter the cost. You lose…every time. A marriage made in hell! The term "unconditional love" has a surprising and out-of-context origin. Erich Fromm, a psychologist, introduced the idea in , writing about it in The Art of Loving , in She has no expectations for it to live up to.
She loves it because it breathes! In Kaizen for Couples , I emphasized that mutuality is essential for healthy relationships. I wrote:. It is based on an interest in each other as whole, complex people living in the present.
Trust is the essential ingredient for leadership success.
When dependence or co-dependence are consistently present in a relationship, mutually cannot be. Mutuality, then, is a defining condition for a healthy mature relationship.
If life has purpose and meaning—which most people believe it does, there can be no such thing as an unconditional experience. Unconditional love wipes that out, dismisses the significance of ourselves and others as unique human beings. It makes all behaviors OK, and they are not!
Relations Without Relationships: Real love can hurt like a mutha
On one hand, your partner may have grown up with a mother who smothered him with love and gave in to every whim and fancy of his while growing up. This could have inflated his ego, making him believe that his wants and demands came above everyone else's needs. Because of this, he might think it's perfectly okay for him to disrespect the needs of other women, including his mom and including you.
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On the other hand, if your partner had to grow up with an unloving mother, he might be disrespecting her because he never got the love he deserved as a child. And growing up with that kind of frustration can affect the way he looks at women today, where bits of that frustration may slowly come out on you. The relationship he had with his mother as a child will set the tone for all the future relationships he has with other women.
If he had to fight to receive the love of his mother, he might have issues with intimacy and never fully give in to his relationship with you. He might even have extreme behavioral problems as well. Researcher, Dr. Pasco Fearon said " When your partner had the misfortune of having to grow up with a mother who decided everything for him and called all the shots, then he might have never learned how to trust his own instincts.
When Your Parents Hate the One You Love
Now that he's in a relationship with you, he might expect you to make all decisions because as a child, his mother always stopped him from trusting his own judgement. It's possible that your partner grew up with a loving mother, but despite that, your partner may never have had the empathy to understand just how much his mother did for him.
When you see that he takes his mother for granted, where he never appreciates her for everything she has done for him, chances are that he might not value what you do for him in the relationship. And even if he did, his mother may have ignored them or made him feel like he doesn't deserve to feel that way. Because of this, he might disguise his pain in your relationship and deal with it the only way he knows, which is by shutting you out and suppressing his true feelings. There are chances that your partner had to grow up with a mother who gave him love but also controlled him in certain ways.